Mar
Are People Nastier Online?
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I’ve noticed that people tend to be ruder and less polite and considerate when they’re behind a computer than when they are in person.
If you decide to start your own website and online venture, you’re bound to meet some pretty nasty, rude and “know-it-all” types of people.
This includes people who leave comments on your blog, comments on your social media sites (YouTube, Facebook etc.), customer service requests, etc.
Over the 10 years I’ve had my own website, I’ve seen pretty much everything, and let me tell you: it’s not pretty!
If you put yourself out there — especially in the natural health field — people will analyze your *every move*.
At times, you will be criticized for your appearance (even if you look healthy, some people will say you look “terrible”).
If you release any type of product, some people will return it because they don’t like it.
If it’s a book, some people would rather have it as an eBook.
If it’s an eBook, you’ll get angry comments from people who don’t like eBooks, and would rather have it as a book.
No matter what you do, some people will not like it, and will make it a point to let you know!
One recent example in our business comes from a very rude person who has left comments and questions everywhere they could to criticize the fact that our videos are not transcribed for hearing impaired people.
But that person didn’t make that request in a very nice way. He or she did it in an extremely rude, aggressive way.
We tried to explain to that person that our YouTube videos are NOT transcribed (like the vast majority of videos on the Internet) because we don’t have the time or resources to do so. But, most of our PAID audio products are transcribed.
I told that person that if she knows someone who’d be willing to transcribe them for us, we’d be happy to include the transcript. But at the moment, we simply cannot do that.
Yet, the same person went on to post nasty comments in every single video, she left multiple comments on our support site, wasting the valuable time of our customer service people…
And to top it off they went all over the web in various discussion forums to complain about the fact that Frederic is “inconsiderate” to the poor hearing impaired people who cannot watch his videos, and that he has “ignored” their multiple requests.
I don’t know about you, but to me this kind of behavior is not only aggressive but completely unacceptable.
The fact that someone has a special need does NOT entitle them to be nasty and request the rest of the world to accommodate to them, especially when what this person was complaining about was free information we put out for everybody on the Internet.
If they had asked in a nicer way, we would certainly have considered the request. But with this kind of behavior she certainly did not help her cause.
The bottom line is that if you’re going to have an online business, you have to be willing to take the heat.
Unfortunately, it seems that as soon as some people get behind a computer, they forget the basic rules of social interactions.
By the way, if you have a website and you’re NOT getting any nasty comments, then it is not a good sign either. It means you need to be more active and draw more attention.
If there’s one thing you want to avoid all the time online, it’s to be boring!
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Hi Frederic. Your article is very good, and well received. It is also encouraging because I do hope to have a website in the near future. I also want to say that I am one of those who did send in a comment about being offended at the use of the word “hell” in the subject line of one your emails. Upon afterthought, and after reading your email today, I realize I was being far too sensitive and was acting out of my own personal stressors in my life at this time. I apologize. You, dear Frederic’ were the first “raw fooder” that I learned from, back around 2001. I love what you do, and have alot of your books, DVD’s, etc. Furthermore, I appreciate all of your great offers and you give so much away! I recently was able to purchase the Perfect Health Program – everyone would benefit from this investment! You are loved and appreciated and God bless you, Frederic’!
Pam
I agree Fred, a lot of people exaggerate their anger when posting online and seem to give off way more negative energy towards the person they are attacking. Also it’s usually people that don’t know you or read anything you say that have the nastiest comments because they just want to cut you down and feel like they accomplished something.
No worries Pam, I did actually remove the word “hell” from my blog post. Coming from a French culture, I didn’t even realize that some people might be offended by that expression, which doesn’t exist in French.
You’re right – I haven’t had a lot of rude comments but I once heard that if we’re not upsetting any one we’re not playing big enough!
I’d rather attract those who love me and let the ones who don’t, go – than be a middle of the road wishy washy person who doesn’t get anyone excited!
That’s a big one for me – so much more ‘comfortable’ to have everyone liking me – but not so satisfying or good for business!
And when I do get a rude comment – I need to remind myself of the many wonderful comments I do get! Put it all in perspective.
Thank you, Frederic’. Very kind of you to respond. Have an awesome day!
Unfortunately, in my 50+ years of life I have met too many people in general who are rude, and it seems to me that it is happening more often as time goes by. Not just computer based people, but people in general. And people in special circumstances can be even worse, in my experience.
In today’s super fast paced world, I see many more people in stores even yelling at clerks, even clerks who I can see are trying their best. It is like the general public feels this entitlement.
Nicely said Frederic. I like to read comments on blogs since sometimes there’s some really good tips but at times the rudeness reaches unbelievable levels. To ask someone to do something for you when they’re already doing something for you FOR FREE (!) is really rude. Just because a person is handicapped certainly doesn’t mean you should pull money out of your pocket to pay for transcriptions for them which can cost up to a couple hundred dollars per audio hour (for good quality). The cheaper transcriptions often require several hours of extra work to fix (I’m speaking from experience here!). I remember reading this particular comment and thinking to myself, “What a lot of nerve but probably they have no idea of the cost”.
To quote from Jane Holmes (from Brenda Cobb’s Living Foods Institute), “What other people think of me is none of my business!”
I appreciate your frustration in dealing with rude people and I also appreciate your taking the time to share that with us, your appreciative readers.
The yoga sutras offer us the 4 Keys to interpersonal success: 1. Joy to share with those who are joyful, 2. Appreciation for those who are virtuous, 3. Empathy for those who are sick or uncomfortable and 4. Disregard for those who are miserable and angry. The fourth one reminds us that we cannot help everyone and if we recognize those who want to be miserable and want to make us miserable, we learn to disregard them and the usurping of our own personal energy. Love and kindness to you from nyc, Dinneen
If people who are rude and unkind would improve their diet, it would truly help them to become kind and polite.
Over time I’ve learned that some people with disabilities are angry and want to blame anyone and everyone for their misforturne. Some are just downright cranky dudes for their entire lives. We cannot please everyone all the time, and Fred, you’re right….with an attitude like that, who would want to help her? That said, coming from my spiritual nature, we need to bless them and move on.
Thanks for the info along with this. When I get my website up and running, I’ll try to remember to be more “out there.” LOL
I figured some people might be bothered by the *Hell* in the title of his blog post. It wasn’t meant to be rude but I suggested we take it out just so people don’t take offense unneccessarily
Hey, Frederic:
If I were to feel like making some transcripts of some of your videos and donating them to you and to your readers/viewers (because I support what you’re doing and feel your products are of the highest quality and want to give back for all the great free advice I’ve gotten from you over the years) where would I send any transcripts I made so that you could post them with the videos? Feel free to e-mail me privately if needed.
I think people in general are just rude these days. I come across inappropriate behaviour frequently and I too think if everyone would have a healthier diet the world would be more at peace.
Frederic, you have helped me so much in so many ways that I can’t ever imagine being rude to you. Please keep doing what you’re doing
This would be very generous of you. If you have some time to transcribe some videos or write down the main points, you could contact us at http://fredericpatenaude.zendesk.com (this is our support desk) and send in a ticket with the transcript. We’d be happy to post the written portion on our website along with the videos or on a separate page with a link.
YouTube has also added an automatic captioning tool, but when I tried it the caption didn’t make any sense at all!
Hi Frederic,
Interesting post, for sure. Well done!
Perhaps a bit of synchronicity happening here, too.
Recently there was an article about subtitles on youtube for the hearing impaired. I would be happy to ‘dig it up’ for you if you haven’t already seen it.
Also, I am interested in trying my hand at some transcribing. Perhaps I can help you out.
Sincerely,
Frances
I agree with what you wrote. I’ve been attacked online, in person, behind my back, cos of my art and take on some things. I’ve learned to let it go. IF I weren’t out front in my field, no one would pay attention, nor attack me.
A few years ago I discovered your site. I spoke with some people working with/for you, as well as wrote you. I made a lot of suggestions about broken links, ideas to help improve user navigation. I can’t remember the name of the person I spoke with. This was when your Raw Secrets was an ebook, about to be published again.
Anyway, I felt you were extremely rude as I never heard back from you. NO matter how many times I wrote an email explaining how one link didn’t lead to another, sent around in circles to find the info on your site.
Nor were any of my suggestions implemented. I’m a long time computer trainer/writer, been involved w/computers since 1987. I do have some useful ideas/suggestions.
I still come across broken links, sometimes in your emails, if not your blog. Needless to say, I don’t write and let you know. It’s a two way street, kiddo.
That said, I yet again recommended Raw Secrets via Facebook posting this weekend. No matter what, I love that book (and I have your recipe books too). Namaste.
Over the years we’ve had some changes in customer service and email reply. We do get back to everyone who contacts us through our support desk (http://www.replytofred.com).
I agree, Frederick. People ARE ruder when they’re behind the computer monitor. I think the anonymity gives them a greater sense of freedom to “unleash.” Ironically, I had my first taste of this just yesterday, when I posted my weight-training preferences and another trainer responded heatedly and told me to “Wake up!” Half the time, I don’t think these people are really reading what you’re saying–he sure didn’t. It certainly seems that having different opinions aren’t acceptable. If you don’t espouse a certain person’s point of view, you are fair game for rude remarks. It just shows how many very insecure people are out there. So many people who need to feel superior and who have so much rage under the surface. As I always say, “I’m just glad I’m not married to the guy!”
There is a lot of anger out there in general and your complainer was feeling especially frustrated apparently. It is easy for angry peope to find release not only behind the computer but also behind the wheel of a car. Right?! Whenever one doesn’t have to be accountable by establishing eye contact face to face, it’s much easier to be a jerk.
If you truly listen with love and empathy, you will realize their anger is not about that which they are targeting at all. Instead of “reacting” to the attack defensively, it is really beneficial to say, “I hear you and understand your frustration in this matter.” This almost always creates a win-win situation.
Having said that, some times people are relentless and in that case, I quit interacting because that only fuels the fire.
Namaste.
I understand your frustraiton Jenny. Please know these emails were not going directly to Frederic and a customer service representative was not in contact with the webmaster to make these changes.
We have since hired new people to handle customer service and our websites to ensure more accountability and better quality in the links and information.
Our new support forum tracks all of the tickets and can be forwarded internally to the appropriate people.
Please do contact us in the future if you have a problem.
Thanks
Veronica Grace
I understand the negative comments. You do work that challenges the nutritional status quo. Imagine what it is like having one that challenges the sexual status quo!
very well written … I agree … challenging people to have true power from their core as opposed to coming from a place of “negative power” ( i.e. asking graciously and directly for what you want vs,coming from an entitled , arrogant, self righteous place because they have pain or a disability)
thank you …
I seldom listen to videoTube. I read instead. I hope I do not miss
important point by reading only.
Just from curiosity: Do you have websites for Spanish speaking people?
I can not read/speak Spanish.
When u respond, always answer by sending e-mail to me, because I seldom read a website more than once.
Dear Frederic,I know some people that are hearing impaired they can’t hearat all .they aren’t trying to be rude that is just the way they learned how to communiate with others.and if I have ever been rude to you I am hummble sorry please find it in your heart to forgive me .I love all your discussions.pice be with you and yours.Oh congrats on your ingagement.