Falling to the Abyss: the Darkest Chapter in My Life

This is the third part of my story, how I made a living on the Internet. Read part 1 and part 2 if you missed them.

The year before, I had been celebrating my 30th birthday on the paradise islands of Tahiti. One year later, I was in hell.

I spent my 31st birthday at a mental hospital, where I had been forced to take my business partner Jacky, who suffered from an acute case of psychosis.

My entire business was falling apart.

I had lost almost EVERYTHING that I had.

A few months later, things would get even worst, and I ended up in legal battles that were costing my my life savings, and destroying my health.

Stressed out and depressed, I had even abandoned all my health principles.

I was drinking a few beers a night, eating hamburgers, pizza, and whatever junk food I could get my hands on.

For the first time in my life, I suffered from anxiety, and I was incredibly stressed.

When when the bill finally came… I was over $100,000 in the red, and I was risking losing even more. In fact, I could lose my entire business and means of earning a living.

I had fallen to the bottom.

How did that happen?

It was like life threw me a giant slap in the face.

I was on top of the world… and the next thing you know, I had lost everything.

Let me rewind the tape to a year earlier, and tell you a little bit about what happened.

My business partner, that I will call Jacky, had decided to move to Costa Rica and purchase a retreat center nestled in the beautiful Pacific coast of the country.

The place cost much more than we could afford, and even I was very skeptical about the deal at first. But something happened that confused everything: LOVE.

They say you should never make an important decision when you have a strong emotion. Instead, take some time to cool down and think about it first.

Well, love is the strongest emotion of all, and under its influence, I could not think rationally.

Jacki was my business partner, and for two years we had been strictly just that. But something happened — maybe it was the magic of the tropics — and we fell in love and decided to be together.

In the spur of the moment, we made some decisions that were a bit foolish, like deciding to purchase that retreat center in Costa Rica.

The problem was that the person who sold it to us was a real crook —  a thug of the worst kind — yet charming enough to convince us to get into a deal that was truly stupid.

I had absolutely no legal protection in case anything went wrong with the deal, and in fact, everything went wrong, in the worst possible way!

I’m going to tell you a bit about what happened next, but not much more than Jacki herself has shared publicly.

Essentially, Jacky became mentally ill. It was a slow process, over the course of several months. She became psychotic.

Her problems put a tremendous strain on our relationship and our enterprise, as I had to deal with non only the financial stranglehold we had put ourselves in, but also her increasingly irrational and damaging behavior.

The problem is that I did not know she was sick. I did not understand what was going on at the time, and nobody around me did.

Not until things got really bad, and she went full blow psychotic.

I had seen movies about crazy people. I had seen the “exorcist.” Yet nothing I had seen or read about could have prepared me for what I experienced.

Dealing with someone who is that ill, especially in a third-world country, was the most stressful experience I ever had.

I’m talking about staring in the eyes of the person you loved, and not recognizing that person anymore. Instead, you see a dark passenger that took hold of her, and stripped away her soul.

It only got worse with time.

We had to take her to a mental hospital, while being in the middle of the jungle of Costa Rica. And let me tell you, it was quite an adventure to get there.

After it all went down, the whole project fell apart.

Not only was our relationship over, but so was our project in Costa Rica. We had to separate, and before it was all said and done, we ended up going through a tough legal battle that threatened the survival of everything I had worked for years to build.

We managed to come to an agreement and go both our own ways, but in the meantime the ship was sinking. This entire adventure wiped out all of my savings, but also left me with over $100,000 in debt.

Everything was gone.

I had lost my girlfriend, my dream, and all my money. And I was in the process of losing my business.

Rising From the Ashes… My Personal Transformation

For the first time in my life, I even gained weight. I weighed a 172 pounds, even though I had never weighed more than 155 before.

My life was a mess.

I had so much anxiety, that I started seeing a psychologist to help me. I didn’t take any drugs, but I had to go through some therapy to understand what happened when my business partner became psychotic and left me with deep, psychological scars.

I never felt like a victim though.

Quite the opposite… I blamed myself for everything that happened.

I resented the fact that I had been so weak, going against my instincts and gut feelings to listen to other people, leading me to make really bad decisions.

I blamed myself for not having acted sooner, waiting for everything to get as bad as they could before taking action.

The only thing I had left was my laptop, and just enough cashflow to keep my business going.

Then something strange happened. I had a sort of personal REVELATION.

An old friend of mine, Stephen Arlin, had said something that I always remembered. One day, we were talking about people who commit suicide because they can’t handle their life.

He said. “You can always keep going. You can just walk somewhere… naked. Start over. People think something is holding them back, but it’s all in their mind.”

I started counting my blessings.

Even though my situation felt really bad, I realized that compared to other people’s life circumstances, it wasn’t that bad.

Nobody had died.

I had friends and family to help me.

But more importantly… I had my mind and my life experience.

I could start over!

I was still young, only 31.

And everything that happened to me was a huge learning experience!

I realized that everybody who has accomplished anything went through a tough period in their lives. Steve Jobs had been kicked out of the company he had founded… but still came back for his greatest accomplishments.

Other people had lost everything, and gained tremendous power in the process.

In fact… it was probably a good thing that this happened to me now, rather than later, when it would have been much worst!

My realization was that I COULD start over. In fact, I could start over MANY times if I needed to, just because of the information that was in my brain!

I realized that I had made a big mistake by trying to run a retreat center, instead of doing what I did best, which was Internet Marketing.

I also realized that I had given up all the health principles I believed in, but what I was doing was not working… so it was time to get back into it.

I transformed my resentment about what happened into positive energy.

Now I could do everything I wanted to do, but this time do it right!

And what was the result?

I did not become a millionaire.

I did not sell my soul to sell products I did not believe in.

I continued doing what I did best, but I got rid of everything that did not work.

I streamlined my operation, to the point that I could even run my entire business on only three hours a day. I even managed to take a three-month vacation, while earning the same income that I normally made.

I discovered and applied the principles of automation, outsourcing and system-thinking.

I’ll tell you more about it in a new video, coming next week.

NOTE: My course “How to Make a Living in the Natural Health Movement” is coming soon! This will be the best edition ever, and the ONLY time we do it in 2012, maybe even up to 2014. If you’re interested in making a living with your passion, you will not want to miss this.

Tagged: